Are you one of the millions of people today who struggle continuously to make their bodies conform to what they “should” look like? Is eating, or weight, a problem for you? It is for so many people, that I think it’s time we took a look at the problem on a different level to the individual one.
It’s all too easy to blame a problem on the people who are suffering it. On the other hand, when you are suffering it, it’s also easy to blame it on things outside your control. I personally believe the answer lies somewhere in the middle, and that the best solution lies in combining both – taking responsibility for ourselves and being aware of the bigger issues that contribute. Ignorance is anything but bliss in this case.
If you’re wondering what I’m going on about, it’s this. I firmly believe that the increasing weight problems of the western world are not just a question of a whole lot of individual people doing the wrong things. I believe that it’s symptomatic of something that we’re all missing in our lives today – and looking to replace. Unfortunately, when it’s replaced with something addictive like food, drugs, smoking or alcohol, these cause even more problems than the ones we were looking to fix in the first place.
I have spent my life fighting weight issues. The more people told me I had to do something, the worse I felt about it, and – not surprisingly – the worse it got. The more I felt down on myself for being like that, again, the worse it got. I looked back recently on some photos of myself in high school, by which time I had been well and truly convinced I was fat, and was surprised to realise I had not been very big at all. It was nothing to worry about – back then.
By worrying about it, it’s now become a much bigger issue (pardon the pun) – and that’s where all the well meaning comments and constant bombardment of messages, by media, friends and family, can go horribly astray, blowing a minor problem into a major one.
Recently, as you may be aware, I started working on my dream of giving workshops and talks on self-esteem, having finally come to the point where I felt I had learned enough on my own journey to have something real to offer others. I never expected the side benefits I got from that. On the days when I’m caught up in creating or doing work along those lines – I have no interest in food whatsoever.
It’s a huge contrast with the days when I’m busy doing things I’ve “got” to do, that I don’t really like doing. Those days I need to go for the “substance” of food to sustain me, but when I’m chasing my dream, my passion, it’s like I’m feeding off something totally different…a life energy and enthusiasm that wasn’t there before.
I honestly walk around feeling full all day, even if I’ve not touched a thing! The energy just flows, and I’ve come to realise that it was this kind of feeling that I’ve been chasing all these years with food. The feeling that I’m worthwhile, and have something to offer. A basic assumption, that we should ALL believe, but one which so few people really do. Is this why we’re all chasing the comfort of food?
Sure, an individual can take action and change their life habits to push themselves against the stream and get thin, give up smoking, drugs or alcohol. It happens all the time. From what I hear, though, it is a REAL uphill struggle. From the years when I was trying to do it myself, I know that’s true – and it always seemed to me that the harder I tried (the more I worked on myself to fix the problem, in other words) the worse it got. How about you?
Now, being aware of the things I’ve been looking for in food, and aware of the messages I’ve got from our general society, it’s a lot easier. In fact, it’s hardly even an effort – on those days when I’m fulfilling those needs. On the days when I try to conform to what I “should” be doing it gets hard, but then I have a day where I’m giving a talk, running a workshop, and it all flows again. I’ve been missing something and blaming myself for not having it.
Self-fulfilment.
Why aren’t we raised with the belief that we have something special to offer? Why don’t we grow up searching for what that is and finding ways to express it? Where do we get caught up in “gotta get a job,” “gotta make a lot of money,” and start trying to find self-worth in things we have or do? That’s not where our value lies. It’s a lie in itself.
When you discover that you are special, and start sharing that specialness with the world – that, I believe, is when you start healing that hole inside. The one you’ve been trying to fill up with food, money, alcohol, whatever. It’s perfectly right and natural that you should feel it, and want to fill it – just realise that it’s not something outside that does the trick, even if it feels like it should be. That hole is the part of you that wants to feel loved, needed and appreciated – and if you’re not given that automatically by virtue of just being you, then maybe it’s time we started looking at where our society goes wrong.
We all deserve love, appreciation and expression. Our world doesn’t give that to us at the moment, but we can create it for ourselves. You can start with your own life – start expressing who you are, believing in your own value – whatever it takes, and stop looking at the symptoms as if they were the disease. Learn to believe in yourself – appreciate the unique and individual gifts you have to offer the world, and start finding ways to express them. I sincerely hope that you, like me, will be surprised at the results!