Today was a big day. After way too long putting my needs aside, doing the female people pleaser bit and recent unsuccessful attempts to restore some balance and communicate the issues, I drew the line and made the leap of faith to put my own needs first. I ended the relationship, although I’m not sure he’s accepted that yet. He says he loves me and wants me in his life, and I’ve told him I’m open to building something more healthy with him if he’s willing to put in the work to create a new relationship, with professional help, but I’m not going back to what was before. I can’t. I have nothing left to give. The old relationship is definitely over.
So tonight, I drew a 3 card Oracle spread, from the Goddess Power deck.
Card 1: What do I need to know now for my highest good? Yuki Onna, alignment message
Card 2: What do I need to do, to manifest my highest good? Branwen, empowerment message
Card 3: What could the potential outcome be if I continue on this path? Benzai-ten, alignment message
Yuki Onna: “Some days you wake up frozen, stuck and unable to move due the effects of emotional denial and resistance to what is in front of you. Or maybe you are exhausted, spent from the emotional burden of your current situation. The winter goddess Yuki-Onna has come to help you move out of and past this experience into a healthier state of stillness. When you are frozen, it’s the ego that is refusing to accept life on life’s terms, potentioally causing you fear and depression. A particular situation pr person may be causing you to see yourself as a victim. The goddess Yuki-Onna reminds you that this is but a temporary moment in the millions of moments of your life. The task she has for you is to answer one question: will you trust the Great Goddess in the universe to be your active partner in co-creating? If so, slow down and let all your troubles go, and you will see the miracles life has to offer you”.
Branwen: Sometimes life invites us into conditions that challenge us to the core. As the Celtic goddess Branwen forgave those who caused her own death by a broken heart, she asks you to set yourself free from the seeds of resentment that will surely choke the life out of your dreams. We are wounded by others and weave stories about our hurts and losses that live on in our hearts and minds. We come to distrust the potential of love and connection. No matter what your story or when it began, forgiveness is the key to freedom here. Forgiveness allows for mending and repair, opening the heart to give and receive. If you need to forgive yourself or others, now is the time to do it. Keep your heart open, and you can begin again. Only beauty, freedom, and treasures are found in the spirit of forgiveness. The goddess Branwen is here to support you.
Benzai-ten: Your ability to see beauty in your world is dimmed by a momentary lapse in self-worth. The Goddess of beauty asks you whether you’ve been set back by a visit of perfectionism or others have withheld their support, causing you to feel small and insignificant? Whatever the circumstances, it appears that you have been hijacked by a sense of lack. Your alignment task is to restore your self-worth and regain your equilibrium by refusing to engage in these mind games designed to dim your light. Now is the time for a positive self-inventory. The Goddess Benzai Ten is here to remind you that you are a bright, shiny, beautiful being of Divine power and light. You are more than enough, and the world contains more than enough beauty for you; this is a good place to dust off and start again.
So, aside from having felt the energy shift after I broke it off, it seems the Universe agrees. I was exhausted, I do need to forgive myself, and my self-worth is badly in need of restoration. It’s definitely time to revisit all I learnt about self-care before I let it all lapse. It sounds trite, but today really does feel like day 1 of the rest of my life.